


The Grim Life

by Briannaoakensheild



Category: Croak
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-07-28 12:57:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7641109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Briannaoakensheild/pseuds/Briannaoakensheild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place right after the first Croak book by Gina Damico. Lex is trying to cope with the loss of her sister. She becomes cold and disconnected to everything and everyone around her. The only thing she feels is hate and the guilt that she couldn't reach her twin in time to save her. Lex is torn in half one side wanting vengeance and the other wanting eternal peace. The Juniors are trying their hardest to bring her back. But will their efforts be enough to save Lex from jumping off the edge to join Cordy in the Afterlife?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The drive back to Croak was as silent as the dinner table after Cordy's funeral. Uncle Mort's attempts at cutting the tension failed. Lex just sat in the back of the Gremlin looking out the window, her face was blank, but memories flooded her head swirling around like a whirlpool of guilt.  
Her eyes felt heavy, though she didn't dare fall asleep. Afraid of what terrors awaited her in her subconscious. Even when Lex blinked she saw the faces, faces of the innocent and the malevolent. Her emotions dissolved leaving behind only two survivors which filled her entirely. The fury raged inside her like a powerful vortex demolishing everything it touches. Depression rolled through her like a vicious storm saturating her being in guilt and sorrow. Lex felt as if she were being suffocated by her own thoughts.  
She looked at the sky, it was a bright blue sunny day, birds happily chirping their daily songs. Lex's eyes fell to look at the field she saw beautiful butterflies dancing from flower to flower, drinking their fill with sweet nectar. The lightness in the air made Lex choke on her thoughts even more. Cordy always loved sunny days, her favorite place was the beach. The memories of the Bartleby vacation to Long Island popped into her head. The feel of the Suns warmth on her back and the sound of Cordy's light laughter as she splashed Lex with the salty water. The memory faded and decayed falling out of Lex's head in the form of tears. Her face fell into her hands as she finally broke down. She couldn't find her breath all she could do was heave and choke on her tears. The wound in her cheast had been ripped open and was gushing. Lex's hands fell away from her face ripping at her cheast to find the invisible wound and try to nurture it, but it was sunken inside her there was no hope in healing it. The pain grew in the silence of the car, along with Lex's violent sobbing. Uncle Mort uncharacteristicly sat in the front silently not saying a word or making a sound.  
Finally Lex couldn't take it anymore and looked around to find an end to the pain. Her Eyes landed on the handle of the door beside her. Then looked up towards the front of the car beyond where Uncle Mort sat. Her eyes reached the speedometer and read 75. This was her chance and she was too eager to take it, Lex reached for the handle and quickly pulled it and began to push the car door open when the whole vehicle suddenly slammed to a stop and Lex was jerked to the opposite side of the car.  
"I'm sorry kido but I can't let you do that." Uncle Mort said a little too calmly.  
"Just let me go, we both know I will go to a better place than this shit stain of a world." Lex said letting the hostility inside flow through her words almost spitting them at her Uncle. His eyes widened at the fury in Lex's tone.  
"Lex, Cordy wouldn't want this, she would want you to go on with your life and be happy. She wouldn't want you to be hung up on her death, and she certainly wouldn't want you to join her earlier than you are supposed to." Mort reached out to pat Lex on the shoulder but she moved out of his reach and just looked at him, her eyes burned from crying and from anger.  
"That is one of the most cliche lines a person could say to someone who has just lost a loved one. You should really win a prize for the pure originality of your little speech. You wouldn't even know what Cordy would want, you've only met her what.. Twice. You didn't know her, but I did and she knew me better than anyone else. She trusted me with her life and I failed her. She is dead because of me and my stupid ability that I didn't even want. I'm as much of a murder as Zara is." Lex exploded pelting her words at Uncle Mort who just sat in the front staring at her, waiting for her to be finished. After Lex was done yelling a him she just sat back and began looking out the window again impervious to anything Mort could say.


	2. Chapter 2

The silence in the car was interrupted not by words but by the click of a seatbelt. Lex looked at her chest to see the uncomfortable strap awkwardly pressed between her boobs. She looked up at her uncle who was now getting situated in the front seat. She saw his eyes flash to hers in the rear view mirror.

"Just in case you have any more moronic ideas." Lex just rolled her eyes and continued to stare into the dense woods of the New York countryside.

"Oh and Lex at least you get to see Cordy again your mom and dad can't just think about that." Uncle Mort's words hit Lex with even more guilt knowing that her parents were going through something worse than her. She had only lost a sister, they had lost two children.

By the time they got back to Croak Lex was in an even worse mood than when she tried to exit a moving vehicle. Feeling claustrophobic set in, suffocated by the seatbelt and the enormous pressure of facing the rest of the juniors and eventually her dead sister. Lex then saw the Croak sign and really started to panic as she watched the population number change to 78.

They had now entered Croak, Lex now chose to look down instead of out the window. Dread washed over her in waves she nervously bit her nails. Then too soon the car came to a stop and Lex had to gulp down the rising bile in her throat.

She slowly rose her head to look out her window to see Uncle Mort's house. She stared in the front seat at her uncle in shock. He had just flew through the town completely. She could see the knowing smile on his face as he nodded at her and opened his car door. Lex was now alone in the car, her whole body felt paralyzed with relief and dread. Then after minutes passed, Lex pushed down her fear and opened her car door. She got out of the car slowly, not because she was scared but because her whole body was stiff from the long drive. She stood and stretched, then proceeded to the house. Lex looked up and stopped. She could now see that someone was sitting on the porch of her Uncles house. But it wasn't just someone it was her boyfriend, Driggs. Her eyes were wide as she stopped and stared at him.

Lex knew that he was staring right back at her. Driggs then got up off the stairs where he was sitting, he paused for a second. He started walking towards her, then Lex blinked and he was sprinting towards her. Before she could even react he enclosed her waist in his arms and lifted her in a bear hug. Lex was shocked at how he greeted her, then she could feel the waves crashing against the dam behind her eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck, accepting his touch. He let her down but never broke the hug, Lex let her head rest on his shoulder. Driggs had begun rubbing her back soothingly. Before she could stop herself Lex began to cry, all the feelings in the car ride surfaced again. Driggs just continued to hold her and rub circles on her back.

Lex forced herself to stop crying and unlatched from Driggs. She wiped the remaining tears on the sleeve of her black hoodie.

"Lex I'm really glad you came back, I missed you. I'm sorry about your sister, we are going to make Zara pay dearly for what she did." Lex didn't know what to say to him, or even how to react. She stayed silent for a while just thinking it over.

"I hope you will forgive me, what happened was my fault and I promise you that I will find Zara and make her wish she had never been born." Lex finally spoke her words filled with intensity and contempt as she looked into his eyes.

"You are so demented if you think that anything that happened was your fault. It was all Zara, she was the only one who killed your sister and stole your awesome ability to damn your enemies to hell."

"Your wrong about one thing, Zara wasn't the only one who killed my sister." Lex looked down at her shoes, but a hand reached under her chin and pushed her head up. Her eyes we level with his mismatched ones that looked at her knowingly. Driggs knew her in and out, he probably also knew that Lex wasn't okay. She tried to look back down but he held her chin preventing her from doing so. He kept looking into her eyes as if he were trying to read her emotions. Lex couldn't stand staring into his eyes, when she tried even harder to look down he forced her face up and pushed their lips together.

Lex was even more surprised than when he bear hugged her but she welcomed his affection and kissed him back. She let the flood of emotions run through her, the feelings she had for him were strong. If she wasn't so overwhelmed with all the other emotions that polluted the whirlpool that was swirling in her head, she might be able to call it love.

They clung to each other, wrapped in each other's arms. Their lips collided with a force that was powered by passion that grew with every touch. After minutes passed they finally came up for air gasping for breath. However they never let go of one and other. Lex rested her head on Drigg's shoulder, her nose nuzzled into his neck. Inhaling his familiar scent of sweet forest musk and a kind of cologne that Lex couldn't recognize. She pressed closer to Driggs when he began to stroke her hair, twirling it through his fingers.

"Why don't we take a walk and talk about what you aren't telling me?" Driggs spoke breaking the comfortable silence, and the warm embrace with it. Only to slide his hands down her arms, stopping at the back of her hands. When Driggs' thumbs began to massage her palms.

"Why don't we just go inside and watch a movie? I don't think I've seen Titanic enough times." Lex shifted the conversation back to the light, deciding not to unearth the fresh wound staining her heart. Driggs looked at Lex with suspicion.

"Please just leave it alone, if and when I want to talk about it I promise I will come running to you but until then can we just act like normal. That is really what I need right know." Lex explained and Driggs remained silent as if thinking her words over. That's when Lex lifted her hand to the side of Drigg's face. He searched through her face and eyes, after a minute of deliberation he nodded an grabbed her hand. Driggs kissed Lex's pale bony hand before lowering the clutching extremities.

"You had better, because no one gives a better bear hug and or pep talk than I do." Lex laughed at his support knowing that the hole in her chest would need a lot more than a hug and a half assed pep talk. But she nodded and the pair walked into Uncle Mort's house, hand in hand.


	3. Chapter 3

Driggs and Lex stayed up for hours, watching movies on Driggs lap top. They were mostly happy movies like The Breakfast Club and Tangled, but the ones that Lex picked were mostly horror movies. Driggs didn't complain, he just went with Lex's choices. Driggs fell asleep in the middle of War of Worlds, which surprised Lex. That movie was one of the scariest, in Lex's mind. There was just something about an alien invasion that unsettled her.

Unable to watch it herself, Lex turned off the lap top and set it on the night stand. She turned to look at Driggs who was now sound asleep. He was so peaceful in his sleep, unlike Lex who tossed and turned all night. Lex turned to walk out the door but she stopped before she could reach it, and turned back to face Driggs still sleeping form. She closed the door and walked to her room where she quickly did the same.

Now Lex was alone. Now nothing could distract her from the thoughts and memories. She feared the day when her memories would fade. Lex would eventually forget what it was like to have a twin. A void inside that would never be filled. That was all she had now was memories . Even if Lex could see Cordy, Lex couldn't touch her. Soon Lex would forget what it was like to receive a Cordy hug. Cordy was a part of Lex. That part of Lex died with Cordy. All the joy and excitement for life dissipated from Lex. After all Lex killed her sister. She had to, or Cordy could never enter the afterlife. 

Lex couldn't see anything but her twin's face. All of who Cordy was had fallen from it. Cordy's face was pale, cold and lifeless. Lex paced in her room, back and forth. Running from thought to thought trying to evade the most dangerous ones. 

The constant gnawing thought that she could just end it all. It was selfish but what did Lex care. The pain had to end the void had to be demolished. She stopped suddenly ending her relentless pacing. Water dropped from her face to the floor the subtle flow of dispare. Her sobs shook her whole being and rocked Lex off her feet and she crumpled up on the floor. Hugging her legs into her chest, Lex was trying to hold herself together. 

Nothing felt right, the way Driggs brushed his lips against hers. Lex could barely feel the heat that he spread through her. Lex could only feel the ice in her veins, freezing and numbing her to the core. Once she calmed herself Lex rose to her feet and decided to go outside and let the fresh air clear her mind. 

Sitting on the roof, Lex focused on the tops of the Adirondack mountains that corralled Croak. Keeping this dismal little town out of the popular eye. The town was close and small, everyone knew everything about everyone. It was  annoying but relieving that you didn't have to explain yourself all of the time. Lex just ran her eyes over the town, she froze when they crossed the bank.

All Lex could think about was if Cordy was there. Was she still happy, how could she be? Cordy could never live again she had nothing to be anymore. Nothing to aspire to be, her dreams were done. Lex couldn't look at the building anymore so she laid back and starred at the stars. The vastness of the universe making her feel small and even more insignificant.

Lex followed every constellation, remembering all the stories she read. Seeing Orion pointing his bow at Ursa Major. Stuck in that position for all time, aiming and aligning his arrow to shoot. The never ending, ageless battle between the great hunter and the great bear. The words from mythology 101 lulled Lex into a deep sleep.

_Lex walked into the poster filled room. The light from the two windows lit up the room with warmth and light. Shining on the dead beauty on the floor. Her cold dead eyes just stared unblinking at the ceiling. Lex stood over the body and it wasn't her sister that lay at Lex's feet. It was her that laid on the floor. White eyed and foam still sliding down her cheek. Her body started to seize and twist. Lex could see the foam being spilt from her own hacking mouth. Lex couldn't bare to watch herself die, she rose her eyes off of the dying and landed on Zara. She laughed and scoffed at Lex._

_" I have all the power now, now I am the special one. I should damn you right here and now, you don't deserve eternal peace. You don't deserve to join your sister." Zara knelt down next to her twitching body. Lex couldn't move she was stuck, paralyzed in her dream. Watching as the faces morphed and changed. Zara turned to Lex ,and Lex changed to Cordy. The sinister smile that Lex wore as she began to damn her own sister. Cordy's body crackled and burned till it was nothing but a charred black form. The room melted away and left nothing but Lex on her knees screaming in the darkness of her mind._

_Lex felt herself being pulled by black hands, pulled down through the darkness clawing and grasping at nothing. Lex was helpless as she was dragged down. Her screams became more frantic and grisly with her decent._

_"Lex!" She could hear her name being called through the pitch of her nightmare. The hands grasped her tighter preventing Lex from finding the source of the voice. Everything shook as if it were an earthquake. It opened up a crack that held fire and lava, Lex was being dragged closer and closer to the hell fire. She clawed at the hands trying to pry them off to no avail._

_"Lex wake up!" The voice cut through the darkness once more. When Lex felt the fire licking at her feet and legs. She could feel the skin bubble and burn to the bone._  

Lex's eyes snapped open and she sat up visiously. Screaming violently as she came out of her dream. The hands still on her shoulders, she tore them off her and crawled away from them. 

"Lex it's okay it's just me." Driggs stood on the roof looking at her with hurt filling his eyes and face. Lex couldn't stand to see him look like that. It just made her feel like she was only meant to hurt people. Nobody would ever be able to be happy while she was around. Lex couldn't take it anymore, she ruined everything she touched. Driggs didn't deserve the downfall that Lex would inevitably bring. 

" I won't let myself bring you down. Driggs you deserve someone who will bring you happiness and not dispare. I won't stand to watch you get ruined by me. I won't drag you down with me." Lex turned to Driggs as she rose to her feet. Nothing could consol her anymore, the picture of her lifeless body dragged through her head. 

Lex turned to face the town once more. Slowly she started to take her last step. Two strong arms gripped around her with inhuman speed, pulling her and lifting her from the edge.

"Don't you even fucking think about doing that. Lex I care about you so much it hurts me to see you like this. Every time I look into your big brown eyes and see all the pain in them. I just wish I could take it all from you and hear your laugh again. I didn't know your sister but I know she loved you and would probably deck you right in the face for even thinking about killing yourself." Lex wriggled and writhed in his arms trying to get free. She couldn't take the feel of him, Lex didn't deserve the warmth that he brought to her. She cried and screamed for him to let her go. Driggs just stood there and took her hits as they came. She beat at him and cursed his name. 

He eventually slid down to make them both sit on the roof. At this point Lex was tired out and stopped fighting his soothing touch. She just curled her head on his chest and let him hug her as the sun rose sending it's golden rays over all of Croak. 


End file.
